My Brief Journey on the Mic

A Journey of Voice and Confidence

I've never had much of a singing voice and I know it. My father had a deep voice, and I'd hear him singing in church (from the pews, not in the choir) and on occasion he'd sing at family holiday gatherings. His strong, deep voice was perfect for the third, melancholy line from "We Three Kings." Many cousins still mention this to me years after his passing.

My voice is not nearly as deep as his, but I am able to "mimic" his style and sing bass for certain songs. Years ago, a work group went on an outing to a local restaurant that featured karaoke. Someone chose the song "Wild Thing" and my part was the refrain, "Wild Thing — I think I love you!" To my embarrassment, someone paid the DJ for a copy of our rendition and for a few years it made the rounds of my company. I would occasionally get the comment, "We can distinctly hear your voice on the copy we made of the song..." but it was never accompanied with the words, "You did a great job!" Or, "You should consider singing professionally..." Their comments were akin to telling an actor with a walk-on/cameo in a movie, "We saw you..." Just an acknowledgment, not necessarily a compliment.

So, for many years, I would (or often, would not) sing almost silently during church hymn portions of the service. You might even see my lips moving, even if no sound came forth. I was that unsure of my vocal abilities. Then came the fateful day in church when, in a moment of exuberance, I sang loud enough to be heard by the people in the pew in front of me and behind me. To my great surprise, the elderly couple behind me told me after the service, "You have a beautiful voice. Did you know that?" "Ummmm, no, I've never been told that before, but thank you." A little while later, a woman who often sang in the choir told me something similar. She often sang harmony and sang it loudly and with gusto. In fact, when she was sitting close by, I was unable to sing in the same key as the rest of the congregation because of her overpowering voice. I believe she sang fairly low for a woman — contralto (I had to look that up) and often stood in the men's section of the choir.

After the service, I timidly mentioned to a confidant that I had been complimented on my voice and that I had decided to "try out" for the choir. Either out of tactfulness or perhaps even pity, they unenthusiastically told me to do so if I wished. Hmmmm...

The choir at the church was very small, befitting the size of the congregation. There were three men (one of them being the pastor who stood in if the choir size was diminished on a particular Sunday due to absences) and five women, one of them being the aforementioned contralto/harmony singer. When I timidly inquired of the director about coming to weekly choir practice, he excitedly encouraged me to come. Remember, at this point, he had not yet heard me sing.

Challenges in the Choir

Problems and obstacles abounded during my first choir practice session. In no particular order, here they are:

• Only one other male was in attendance that evening and he stood in the back row along with the deep-voiced woman. I knew not to stand too close to the harmony-prone female, so I moved closer to the other man. It turns out he sang in a fairly high, almost falsetto voice that would've made the Bee Gees envious.
• The dilemma presented itself to me that I had to choose between the two fellow choir members as to proximity and which spot would be least distracting to me. I spent an inordinate amount of time that evening trying to find the best place to stand.
• One of my moves put me behind one of the women who happened to have an absolutely lovely voice. She often sang "specials" during the church service, only accompanied by one or two instruments. After positioning myself behind her, the director told us to again sing the first verse of the song chosen for that upcoming Sunday. The talented singer literally put her fingers in her ears as I began singing along with the rest of the choir. Talk about a confidence drainer!
• After shifting positions once again, a latecomer to practice said, "That is where I usually stand."
• The final slight came when we finished singing the song all the way through and someone asked the director, "Were you able to hear us?" His only reply was, "Well, I heard Bill..." What did that mean?

Learning and Growth

I knew that I had a long way to go to be able to represent myself well (besides just singing more quietly) and asked if I could take a choir book home to study and practice. Of course, that was allowed, and the falsetto-singing man pointed out that I could probably find a version of that song on YouTube. This suggestion didn't so much damage my already deflated self-view of my singing abilities but it certainly embarrassed me that a man who was well into his senior years had to remind a younger man: "Why don't you Google it?"

Armed with my homework, I went home and decided to sing the song at least 20 times to learn the nuances and pauses needed for a decent presentation. It was, indeed, on the internet, but the only version I could find was from a church group in Indonesia who sang with gusto but not the best English I had ever heard. Fair enough, I had many shortcomings of my own.

The Fateful Sunday

The fateful Sunday arrived, and I was there 30 minutes early, as instructed by the director. We went into a back room where we were to do one last sing-through of the song before taking our places in the choir section. Someone mentioned the page number in the choir book, and to my confusion (and growing sense of panic), the song on that page was NOT the hymn I had faithfully practiced at home and in the car. I'm sure my voice cracked as I said out loud, "That isn't the song I thought we were going to sing today!" Someone turned to me and with a look of pity informed me that after the Thursday night practice session, they had decided to table that song and sing another instead. I feebly mentioned that I didn't know and had practiced the other song. They told me that we would probably sing it in the near future.

We filed out into the choir section where I took my place in a spot as centrally located as I could find. It didn't really matter where I stood because I'm pretty sure I lip-synced the song. The director did NOT say after the service, "I could hear Bill..."

The name of the song I had sung over and over at home? "Find us Faithful." A great song, but, even though it was referring to a spiritual life, it definitely mocked my lack of faithfulness in attending choir. It proved to be an unfortunate choice for someone already planning the end of his brief singing career.